Written by Susie Dean – product reviewer

It is not just gay couples who love anal sex; straight couples can love it too! Men like to indulge in anal sex as the anus is typically tighter than the vagina. Rather obviously, men love the added friction from anal sex. Women rarely love anal sex the first time, or the second time or even the third time. Yet over time, with lots of love and patience, women can come to enjoy anal sex just as much as regular vaginal sex. Why is anal sex more of an issue for women than it is men? Our very own sex toy review expert Suzie explains from a feminine perspective...

Women tend to be more hesitant as anal sex is taboo - after all, it’s not what nice girls do! Nice girls don’t give fellatio either, or do exotic sex positions, have orgasms or even enjoy sex. Really? This might have been true in the 1950’s but times have moved on. Women are more sexually aware and not only do they want to please their men, they want to be pleased themselves.

Why don’t women like anal sex?

• It hurts! The muscles in the anus are incredibly tight and should be stretched gradually over time. The anticipation of pain means that a lady will tighten up anyway so gentlemen should work to make her relax. Rub moisturiser into her shoulders, kiss her all over her body and just generally be very loving and very attentive. Get her comfortable with anal play by putting a finger up her bottom when you are using your fingers to bring her to orgasm. She will gradually get used to it and begin to enjoy it. From this point, it is much easier to build up to full anal sex or using sex toys as the fear of pain begins to ebb away.
• She’s scared! The thought that you might stop seeing her as your special girl and start seeing her as a “tramp” is a very real fear for many women. Afterwards, tell her how much you love and respect her.
• There could be mess! If she has not douched beforehand then you may get more than you bargained for. Many women are aware that this could happen as everyone has ‘a friend’ who found themselves in an ultra-embarrassing and absolutely humiliating situation.

Are you nervous about taking the first steps toward a bit of ‘backdoor loving’? Here are a few tips:

• Use lubrication! The anus isn’t self-lubricating like the vagina and anal sex with little or no lubrication hurts not only you, but your partner as well. Turn Me On have lots of information available on the website detailing the different types of lubrication. This should help you choose the right product for you. We recommend ID Millennium lube as it is silky and silicone-based and is safe to use with condoms.
• Don’t jump straight into it! Women don’t go from 0 – sexy in a matter of seconds. Thinking this is a truly rookie mistake. If you want to really enjoy anal sex, you need to take the time to get her really wanting it. Women should be stroked, kissed, caressed and genuinely admired. If you want your lovely lady to get behind taking it up the behind, you’ve got to really put the effort in to get her body ready for action.
• Anal sex is all about TRUST! There was a time that I said I was never going to have anal sex ever again. I honestly and truthfully meant it and my husband accepted my decision. His love and patience helped me to trust him and I (eventually!) wanted to at least give it a shot. The first couple of times we tried to have anal sex it was a spectacular failure but after I came to trust that he would stop the very second I said so, I was able to relax. I can honestly say that the trust we’ve built together just from having anal sex has improved our relationship.
• Be hygienic! A rule of thumb here: if it goes up her bottom, it should not go up or in anything else. A woman can be a bit cleaner if she can empty her bowels beforehand, although it is rare to find a woman who can do this on demand! Alternatively, you can douche which will limit the possibility of your partner coming across any stray faecal matter in this particular area. If you’re worried, roll a condom over dildos or wear surgical latex gloves.

So now you have both agreed to try anal sex, how do you choose the right toy?

Firstly, if you’re going to buy a toy for anal play, make sure you have plenty of water-based lube on-hand, as silicone-based lube can harm silicone sex toys. Here is a list of things for beginners to consider when buying an anal sex toy:

• Don’t buy a big product that will make your eyes water. Turn Me On sell ‘starter’ anal beads for those who are new to the world of anal experimentation.
  Consider buying a lube that is specifically intended for anal sex. Water-based lubrication dries out far quicker than petroleum-based lube so choose wisely. Often, lubrication that has been made to be used for anal sex contains desensitising ingredients e.g Anal Eaze which is helpful for first timers.
• Prevent anal trauma – don’t buy cheap and nasty toys that may not be made well and have sharp edges with joins in the plastic.
• Think about what you want to achieve with your purchase. Do you want to enhance your orgasm? In this case, anal beads might be for you. Want to climax sooner? Choose a toy that massages the prostate. Do you just want to ‘fill her up’? A butt plug might be what you’re really looking for.

If you have any questions regarding choosing the right anal toy for you, please contact us via our contact form here.